RETIREMENT POLICY - As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for departmental areas, we are forced to

cut down on our number of personnel. Under the plan the older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans. Therefore a programme to phase out older personnel by the end of the current financial year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. The programme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early.) Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the company, provided that they are being RAPED they can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termintion). Under the terms of the new policy employees may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but be SHAFTED as times as the company deems appropriate. If the employee follows the above procedures he or she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earning for Retired Personnel's Early Severence). As HERPES is considered a benefit plan, any employee who has received HERPES will no longer be RAPED or SCREWED by the company. Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy to ensure that employees are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). The company takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any other company in the area. If any employee feels he or she does not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand. Does the above sound like your company !!! Serious replies only please ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Not serious replies only. It's a joke, albeit a long winded one.

Public Comments

1. are you trying to be funny? because you failed miserably!!
2. good one typical upper management
3. I see that some answerer's were not keen on this tale ,but it is not to far from the truth is-it.Anyway I did find very amusing9/10.
4. yes just like my company!
5. try this life at work is like a tree full of monkeys all on different limbs at different levels some monkeys are climbing up, some down the monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but @s*h*les.
6. WOW...U GOT TOO MUCH TIME N UR HANDS.... U SHOULD WORK ON BEIGN FUNNY
7. Yep, that sounds about right!!! That's pretty good!! :)
8. bit too long mate
9. thanks for the laugh
10. magic :)
11. Cute but funny! 8/10!