Expensive overseas wedding where I am a bridesmaid.?

My friend is having a wedding overseas and asked me to be her BRIDESMAID. The trip itself is going to be VERY expensive, around $2000, that's without hotel, dress and present. So overall, it will be around $3500-$4000!!! What should I do?

Public Comments

1. If you can't afford it or just don't want to pay all that money you should tell your friend ASAP.
2. If you can't afford it, let her know now so that she can either offer to help pay for expenses or find someone else. Destination weddings, especially overseas ones are usually very expensive for the wedding party. Most brides offer to help pay for the cost. If she doesn't then you need to bow out.
3. Thank her for wanting you to be a part of her big day but explain to her that at this time you are not able to spend that kind of money. Offer to do something here to help her---address the invitations for the reception, throw her a shower, etc
4. You need to definitely tell your friend if you can't afford to go. Tell her now, so she can plan accordingly, where is the wedding that it cost so much to fly?
5. She asked you because you are her friend and would be hurt if she didn't make the offer. If you ARE good friends, she already knows this is out of your budget so don't feel bad at all about saying "I am so honored that you asked me to be a bridesmaid but I truly can't afford the expense. I'll be thinking of you that day and will be sure to deliver your gift before you leave".
6. If you can not afford it, simply just say that you would love to but you can simply not afford it at this time. But make sure if you want to attend to look around. I was able to find plane tickets that would have normally costs minimum 1700 for 800 through careful shopping. So shop around if YOU really want to do it. But do not put yourself in debt for someone elses wedding.
7. I would just be honest with her. No one should be mad at you because you can't shell out the cost of a used car for their wedding. Especially a friend. Neither of our parents even gave us that much money to help pay for our wedding. She'll understand and if she doesn't I would look at your relationship and decide if it's as good as you may think it is.
8. You don't have to accept just because she asked. If you cannot afford to go just thank her for considering you but that it would not be possible financially. Unless she's a bridezilla, she should be very understanding.
9. The other posters have good suggestions. What I can tell you from being friends with someone who was having a destination wedding (we'll refer to her as J) and someone who was asked to be a bridesmaid for that same destination wedding (K). J & K were very good friends. J went to K's wedding here in the US. Two years later, J invited K to a destination wedding in the Bahamas, K had just bought a new house. K told J she could not go. J noticed that K just spent $2K to have a fence built around her house. J wondered why K could afford a new fence but not to come to her wedding. K felt J was imposing an unfair burden on her and her husband by expecting them to go to the Bahamas for a desination wedding. Jealousy and anger ensued. The friends haven't spoken in nearly 2 years. They hate each other. I hear the complaints and snide remarks from both of them to this day. So, moral of the story, this is the kind of an issue that can break a friendship.
10. That is out of order. Obviously, you don't have $4000 burning a hole in your pocket. Tell her you don't have the money. If she thinks you should cough it up because she tells you to, you know what kind of a friend she is. If you work out another solution, that's better.
11. The rules of a destination wedding hold that if you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, and you want them at your wedding, you are obligated to pay for their travel and accomodation expenses. Guests, not so much. But those people in the wedding party are meant to be paid for. She should know this. Tell her you can't afford it, and see what she says. If she offers to pay then all is well I guess. But it is very selfish and ignorant to expect someone to pay for the joy of a 9/10 ugly dress and an expensive trip she wants you to partake in. If you can't afford it, don't put yourself in debt for it. If she is really your friend then she will understand (then again, if she is really your friend she would already have offered to comp your expenses... perhaps she's just rude, or maybe she's in her own private happy wedding bubble and won't get it until you bring it up?). Back out nicely, send a thoughtful gift and drop by after the honeymoon for the 'ooh ahhs' over the photos. Good luck :)
12. Give her a polite "Thank you, I'm so very honored, but I can't possibly accept" speech. Leave out the part about money being the problem or it will look like you're trying to "guilt" her into offering to pay for your travel and lodging.
13. decline politely...I know its hard, but I was in the same position. I was asked to be the MOH in a very close friend's wedding- while I was honored, I knew my finances would not allow me to go. She will understand!
14. Be honest and tell her you cannot afford to attend. Buy her a nice gift though.